I don't want to assume that this is just a thing that mommas of special needs kids go through but I can say for myself anyway that it's not something I dealt with prior to adopting our daughter.
See, we adopted a child with major medical issues. The life threatening kind of medical issues...the ones that medicine can't fix, the kind that teach you that every second of life is precious because you don't know when the slightest infection or a bout with pneumonia could leave us empty...without her.
And this changes you...
But not always for the best.
Over the last year I have seen myself in very dark places, exhausted both physcically and mentally.
I discovered an attitude I know doesn't honor my Lord and Savior, but I never could really put a finger on what it was exactly.
I dug deeper into God's Word asking Him to show me...
I've prayed, begged, and pleaded with God to change me...
...and yesterday it happened.
While baking with my girls I turned and "It" hit me...
You see, this paper has been on my fridge for 2 years now. When Katerinia was still in Bulgaria going through 2 heart surgeries, when God was the only One who could in fact "fight" for her, when the "only" thing I could do was pray.
Fast forward to a year later when she was finally home and there were doctors (13 to be exact) to contend with, nurses grilling me because they didn't believe she was my child, and an insurance provider who refused to cover life-saving medications...
An open heart surgery, heart catheterization, multiple stays in the hospital, a lung procedure, switching heart surgeons, driving 5 hours to see some incredble doctors, and many sleepless nights later you have a momma who has fought and fought, to the point of exhaustion, all in the name of getting the best medical care for her daughter...
You have a momma who has been going about this all wrong...
God's Word tells us "The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still." (Exodus 14:14)
God is the One who fights on our behalf...not us!
We think we can "pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps" or that "we've got this" but the truth is...WE don't!!
We think we can handle whatever comes our way. I mean, after all, we can check o2, give meds, and read EKG'S all while cooking a three course meal;) But honestly this just leaves us empty. It leaves us short, without this super strength we sometimes think we have.
It creates in us a heart of self sufficiency, a heart that leans on our own understanding and not His.
It gives us a false sense of ability, thinking we have it together. All the while we wonder how long we can sustain ourselves...
but I'm hear to tell you that this is not God's created purpose for us.
He didn't create us to leave us dry and empty without help.
We have a God whose strength is endless, His power is matchless, and He never tires of fighting for us.
Who tells us that HE will never leave us nor forsake us ..
Who tells us to cast our cares upon Him beacuse He cares for us.
We have this amazing God who looks at us, His children, and simply calls:
"Be still."
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